Overcoming Bias

By: Claire Miller, CCC-SLP, NIC

It’s fair to say that the parents of many deaf babies have already felt thrown for a loop. Over 90% of deaf babies are born to hearing parents, the vast majority have never even met a deaf person before. Nothing during pregnancy prepares a parent for unexpected news of any kind, let alone the low incidence diagnosis of deafness. 

With that new diagnosis comes a revolving door of professionals – audiologists, speech-language pathologists (SLP), early intervention providers, educators, pediatricians, and other professionals. If your child has any additional medical diagnosis, that list of providers grows even longer. Your schedule fills up. People start coming into your home regularly. You spend a lot of time in clinics and hospitals. 

All of these professionals have intentions to help, educate, and support you and your child. Your well meaning family and friends also want to weigh in on what they heard from a friend, what they saw on social media, and what they think is best. Everyone seems to have an opinion on how you should raise your child…and you are only just getting started. The list of “coulds” and “shoulds”  becomes longer and longer by the day:

“You should consider cochlear implants.” 

“You should take at least two ASL classes a week.”

“You should focus on one language at a time or it will be too much.”

“You should focus on this before you focus on that.”

“You should see this doctor…she’s the best.”

“Don’t worry about language yet. She’s just a baby.”

“You have so much going on. This can wait until things calm down and the baby is a little older.”

“Don’t speak Spanish to your child. They will have a hard enough time learning English.”

“Even though your baby is profoundly deaf, you should still talk to them.”

“Even though your baby has cochlear implants, you should still use ASL.”

If I had a nickel for each time a parent told me they were told what they “should” do, I’d be a rich person. To make matters worse, these “shoulds” often come from a provider that knows little to nothing about deaf children, the Deaf community, the use of hearing technology, the parental grieving process, post-partum depression and other mental health impacts, or even about the brain’s capacity for language. But, sadly, this is not always the case. Seasoned professionals in the field of deaf education are sometimes known for giving families their own “shoulds” – ones that steer a family toward an outcome that may not be what the family would have chosen for themselves if they had the proper information and guidance. 

Families find themselves swimming in a sea of recommendations, all aimed at what each provider claims is best for the child. But is it? Is it the provider’s job to decide what is best for a family? Isn’t that the family’s job – to provide and care for their child in a way that makes them feel empowered and not just along for the ride?

These “shoulds” and endless recommendations…where are they from? Why does one provider say one thing and another provider say something else? A family may work with three SLPs who have three different opinions on what a family should do. One professional may flat out say not to pursue a particular goal, or to not to go down a path a family is curious about. A provider may say that they support a family, but the family gets a vibe that the provider is judging them and not providing the support and resources they need to explore a particular opportunity to the fullest. A family talks to other families in the same situation and they find that they are experiencing the same thing. 

Families have told me they feel:

• Confused

• Frustrated

• Lost

• Suspicious 

• Untrusting

• Uncomfortable

• Disempowered

• Unmotivated

• Anxious

• Depressed

• Lost

• Incapable

• Unsure of what to do next

• Uncertain of the future

• Ineffective

• Obstinate

• Angry

• Alone

• Small

• Tired. So, so tired.

This, in a nutshell, is the result of provider bias. Bias hurts and does not help the children these providers aim to serve. Bias creates roadblocks, prevents relationships, and stalls quality care.

But here’s the thing: We all have bias. It’s unavoidable and it’s not always bad. Our internal biases are the little voices or forces in our brains that aim to keep us in a zone of safety and familiarity. They are our predictability – What we think “works” or is “better” than something else. In many cases, biases are okay….until they aren’t.

We can’t make biases go away. We can’t even make ourselves bias free. But what we can do, as providers, is unpack our bias and think about WHY we have them and WHERE they come from. And even more importantly, HOW our biases impact those that we work with and HOW we can keep them in check in order to meet families where they are. 

As caregivers, you too may carry bias about deaf people, especially since your child may be the first deaf person you have ever met. Your upbringing, social media, family/friends, where you live, and more factors have shaped your bias about what you think “deaf” means. In many cases, hearing people have the bias that deaf people are limited in their educational and job futures, can’t do many things (at least, not without help), and are only “successful” if they can acclimate to the hearing world by doing things like “reading lips.” 

Are you bad for having thought these things? Are your providers bad for having biases about how you should raise your deaf child? No, and no. In many cases, biases stem from simply not knowing what you don’t know and being brave enough to face that fact and then learn the difference. You don’t have to agree with the “other side,” but what is important is that you understand it and where it comes from so that you can make an informed decision about where you land.

A fact of raising a deaf child is that families will have to navigate provider biases regularly, especially in your child’s earliest and most important years of development. To that, my “should” to all families is: Find your people. Find that provider(s) that puts you at ease and does not gate-keep information..they one that, when you are with them, you feel your body and mind relax, or even inspired. Find people that are not afraid to tell you hard things and who themselves are not afraid to consider things that don’t fit into the mold of their own bias. Find that mentor, friend, or fellow parent of a deaf child that you can tell the craziest, worst, weirdest, scariest provider story and know that they can share their own. And maybe you can laugh, cry, or throw things together afterwards. 

There is no such thing as “overcoming bias.” But with the right people, and as your child shows you what is working for them, you will find those competing voices get quieter in your mind, you will feel more empowered, you will look back on the past month and see how much you’ve grown, and you will look back on the past year and see how far you and your child have come. I can guarantee it will be farther than you ever expected.