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Finding Your Way: Making Communication Choices for Your d/Deaf or Hard of Hearing Child
- Danielle Lavon
- Oct 22
- 4 min read
When your child is identified as Deaf or Hard of Hearing, it can feel like you’ve suddenly stepped into a world full of new words, new professionals, and an overwhelming number of decisions. One of the biggest questions parents face early on is: How will we communicate with our child?
It’s an incredibly personal question — one that doesn’t come with a single right answer. Every family’s journey looks different, shaped by their child’s needs, their values, and the resources around them.
At Massachusetts Hands & Voices, we remind families that the process of choosing a communication approach isn’t about picking a “right” or “wrong” path. It’s about discovering what works best for your child and family right now, with the understanding that those choices can evolve as your child grows and learns.
The Decision-Making Journey
Author and researcher Mary Pat Moeller, Ph.D., describes decision-making as a process of problem-solving — weighing options and creating a plan of action after considering the alternatives. For families with a Deaf or Hard of Hearing child, those alternatives include different communication approaches: spoken language, sign language, cued speech, bilingual (ASL and English) environments, or combinations of these.
Each family’s decision-making style is unique. Some parents gather information, make lists, and analyze pros and cons. Others go with their instincts, focusing on what feels most natural for their child. Still others mix both — listening to their gut while doing their homework.
There’s no one “right” way to decide. What matters most is that you give yourself permission to take your time, ask questions, and seek support from people who have walked this road before.
What to Pack for the Journey
Dr. Moeller uses a beautiful metaphor: imagine “packing a bag” for this decision-making journey. She suggests including three essential things:
Time – Give yourself permission to pause and learn. You don’t have to make every decision immediately after diagnosis. Children grow and change, and so can your approach.
Support – Surround yourself with caring listeners: other parents, mentors, and professionals who will walk alongside you without judgment.
A Bias Detector – Remember that most of us carry bias, even when we mean well. Every professional, program, or article may have its own perspective. Recognizing this helps you stay grounded and make choices that feel right for your family.
The Pressure of Time
Many families feel intense pressure to decide quickly. With early identification programs now catching hearing differences within the first few weeks of life, parents may hear messages about the importance of “not losing time.” While early language access is crucial, families also need space to breathe, process, and learn.
The truth is: you don’t have to rush to get it all right on day one.
In the early days, it can be more valuable to focus on building your network — finding your “village.” Connect with parent groups, Early Intervention providers, Teachers of the Deaf, and other families. These relationships become your foundation for decision-making. With time, confidence grows, and you’ll begin to see what’s working for your child.
Think of it as having a “safety net.” You can always evaluate, reflect, and make adjustments. Many families modify their communication approach over time — sometimes blending methods or making small changes as their child’s needs evolve.
What Families Should Know
You will hear a wide range of opinions about what families “should” do. Some may sound convincing or absolute. But remember: you know your child best.
Your family’s values, culture, and lifestyle are central to this decision. Consider what each approach requires from you — time, energy, resources, access to specialists — and whether those supports exist in your community.
What matters most is creating a good fit between your child’s needs and your family’s strengths.
And no matter which path you choose, one thing consistently predicts success for children who are Deaf or Hard of Hearing: the love, communication, and support they receive at home.
How to Find Reliable Information
When you’re ready to explore communication options, look for balanced, evidence-based resources that include parent perspectives. Some recommended places to start:
Hands & Voices Communication Considerations A-Z™ – A family-friendly series covering communication, decision-making, and everyday topics for raising D/HH children.
It Takes Two to Talk by The Hanen Centre – A practical guide for parents supporting early language development in young children.
Choices in Deafness: A Parent’s Guide to Communication Options – A classic, updated resource that explains various approaches from families and professionals who’ve lived them.
Massachusetts Hands & Voices also shares local resources, parent stories, and family programs that can help you feel connected as you navigate these decisions.
A Few Gentle Reminders for Families
You can change course. Communication choices are not permanent commitments — they’re part of an evolving journey.
Trust yourself. Professionals bring expertise, but you bring your child’s story and daily experience. That insight matters most.
Connection comes first. Regardless of the mode you use, the goal is always communication and relationship.
You’re not alone. There’s an entire community ready to support you — from mentors and educators to other parents walking this same path.
Moving Forward, Together
As our Massachusetts Hands & Voices chapter grows, we’re committed to walking beside families through these big decisions and small victories. Whether you’re just beginning your journey or reassessing your path years later, we’re here to remind you that you don’t have to figure it all out alone.
The choices may feel overwhelming at first, but they are simply opportunities to discover what helps your child connect, learn, and belong. And with the right support system, you’ll find confidence, clarity, and peace along the way.
Because in the end, it’s not about choosing one “perfect” method — it’s about nurturing communication that works for your family and helps your child thrive.
📩 Want to connect with other parents or learn more? Visit www.masshv.org or email info@masshv.org to find local support, upcoming events, and family resources.
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